Collescapes

I won’t let you go…

Long steady road, oh, travel be kind.

It’s been a while since I last posted. A lot has been going on, some things good and some things devastatingly bad. I will write about that another time, but today I wanted to write about something that happened to me yesterday.

I was on my way to get our weekly groceries, listening to music, whilst enjoying the beautiful drive. A song came on that I used to listen to a lot back in 2012 when my whole world crumbled before me. The song was by Hedley and as I listened to the lyrics something very prolific resonated with me.

Long steady road, oh travel be kind.
I’m searching for some peace of mind.
The home that you know,
a home left behind.
Oh trouble don’t trouble this time.

And baby don’t look back, odds don’t stack,
they just crumble down, around you.
You gotta go away if you wanna come back.
I won’t crack, I can’t make a sound without you.

And even if it sounds crazy darling, I won’t let you go.
And even if it don’t stop raining darling, I won’t let you go.
And even if the world is burning darling, I won’t let you go.
And even if it sounds crazy darling, I won’t let you go.

Know your way down, your music, your town,
You’re never walking alone.
A storm that won’t wait, a heart that won’t break.
Your mountains ain’t made out of stone

I was back there, again in 2012, remembering the hurt and heartbreak, I was homeless with three children, couch surfing and wondering how I could come back after such a huge fall. Back then, I was very deep in to my faith and relationship with Christ. He had been my anchor for all my life and I was confused as to why he had “allowed” this. I knew he had a plan for me, but I wasn’t a big fan of this one! Over the next few years, I started to rebuild my life, some people stayed with me and others did not, they made their choices and I made mine. I felt like I was abandoned by God sometimes, his “people’ hurt me and I was angry at him. I still had Faith it was just not as stead fast as it used to be.

Over the past nine years I have transformed, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I found myself in a role with my work that was helping people who had faced the same predicaments in life that I had. I became an advocate, supporter, listener, cheer leader and much more for some very beautiful and broken souls. I started to see why I had to go through what I did, because if I did not then I could not have been authentic in my work.

So, as I drove to get my groceries, tears flowed (not too much because I needed to see the road and the road was a bit sketchy in places, but that’s a whole other story). I listened to the lyrics like never before, at first, I thought of it as me singing and saying to my children that I would not let them go, and while that is very true, I never let them go, it became clear that this was not about that, it was something much greater than that. It was my heavenly father reminding me that he was there all, along speaking to me, telling me that he wouldn’t let me go, that it’s a long steady road, to a new place, that I was never walking alone.

Whilst my Faith has waxed and waned, my higher power has always been there, and that made my heart full. I am not religious, but believe in something greater than what we can see, something that is all loving and lets us live our life, that allows us to make mistakes and bad choices because it’s how we learn, it’s not easy but it could be if we had more faith and trust in something that we don’t always understand or believe, but that in its self cannot be how we move forward, we have intuition and a gut to listen to when things aren’t right. I often feel like that is so dumbed down, that we sometimes miss or dismiss those warnings, choosing to listen to something we are told rather than what our spirit is telling us.

Whilst this post is very different from my previous posts about, food, self-care, art, photography, etc. I felt it was still relevant because to me it’s about self-reflection, self-realisation, that gives me hope and for me that right there is true self-care.

What is Psychological self-care?

My Self Care Series…

What is Psychological self-care?

For me I think of psychological self-care as learning to love and accept the self, whilst nurturing one’s soul.

As I look at the self-care wheel from my previous self-care post I see many things listed in the psychological section, such as self-reflection, therapy, self-awareness and sensory engagement. When I first started investing in my own self-care practice, I would read these words and instantly feel overwhelmed. I would think and tell myself things like, “therapy? I can’t afford therapy and really I don’t need a therapist”, or, “self-reflection, mmm like I wanna go there?”, and “sensory engagement, what is that, and why would I want to engage my already highly over sensitized brain?” What I was really doing here though was over thinking and overcomplicating a very simple and wonderfully life enriching process, I was also telling myself that I was too broken and did not deserve to take the time to invest in this practice.

Over the many years of being a Peer Support Worker, I have heard similar responses to self-care, for some reason I feel that we like to resist caring for our-selves especially if it is going to address things in such a way that it makes us feel connected to who we really are. If we have been hurt or abused, sometimes the last thing we really want to do is “feel”, after all we have most likely worked very hard to switch those feelings off, so to many, psychological self-care is a step too far into feeling and discovering who we really are, especially if we have been told that who or what we really are is somehow not worthy.

So today I decided hit my second post in my self-care series with what I felt was one the hardest parts of self-care, not everyone feels this way, but I have met many that have struggled with this one more often than not!

So, what does it all really mean and how is it going to help me?

Well, really my answer to this is, it’s only really going help you if YOU WANT it to and it can mean the difference between being stuck and being free, but it takes PRACTICE and much self-forgiveness!

Let me start with one of the items I listed from the self-care wheel above. Therapy!

We often think as therapy as going to see a psychologist, and that’s not wrong at all, in fact it can be invaluable to many if they are working through healing, trauma or other challenges that life brings us, however, therapy is so much more than that.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines Therapy as: “a treatment that helps someone feel better, grow stronger, etc.” It also defines Therapeutic as: “having a healing affect, tending to make someone feel healthier.”

When I look at these definitions I think about the things that have a therapeutic affect on me, such as being in nature, walking, singing, listening to music, taking naps, positive self-talk and affirmations, the list can be endless. I am not a qualified therapist or a psychologist but I am my own personal coach and motivator, and life can throw so many challenges and hurt our way, sometimes we need a qualified therapist to help us get to the point where we can start to love and appreciate ourselves, but we need to continue that work by being our own therapists, by reminding ourselves that we are worthy and that we are enough.

Is it easy? No, not always, but, believe, me when I say that it is SO worth it!

In my next post I will continue to explore “What is psychological self-care?” from a lived experience perspective.

It’s always important to remember to reach out to professionals if you are not feeling well, physically, emotionally and or mentally, my posts will hopefully provide inspiration and insight from the perspective of lived experience and by no means replace the expertise of psychologists and doctors.

Developing a self-care practice takes time and the key part of it for me is to always be kind to yourself.

Midweek Chilli

Recently I made Turkey Chilli as a special request from my daughter. I made a big pot so she can take it to school for her lunches! I also made some rustic bread to go with it! It took very little time and was even better the next day!

I used my own recipe for the chilli

My recipes are very much make it and see, I often change things up and I encourage you to make adaptations that make it personal to you!

Two packages of ground turkey (antibiotic free) seasoned with cumin and cayenne pepper.
One red pepper and one yellow pepper deseeded and chopped.
One shallot or small onion chopped
Two celery sticks chopped
Three garlic cloves chopped
A large (or two small) jalapeño pepper deseeded and chopped.
Mushrooms
Dried chilli flakes – to taste
Teaspoon of cocoa powder
Teaspoon of sugar or honey (I often use marmalade)
Can of good quality tomatoes, I used diced but if poss use whole and chop,
Tomato paste two tablespoons
One cup chicken stock or veg stock if you prefer- homemade or shop bought.
Two tablespoons of fresh cilantro
Can of mixed beans (optional) rinsed and drained
Salt and pepper
Grated cheese and sour cream (optional)

In a large skillet, or dutch over, sauté celery, garlic, peppers (not the jalapeño), onion and add dried chilli flakes. Remove from heat and pan and add seasoned turkey with and jalapeños and brown. Add the sauteed celery mix back to the browned turkey along with can of tomatoes, tomatoes puree, stock, cilantro, cocoa powder, salt pepper and honey. Simmer for 20 mins, put in slow cooker on low until you are ready to serve (add cornflour for a thicker sauce if desired).

Add drained beans before serving and top with grated cheese and sour cream.

I made the bread dough earlier in week and refrigerated. Link to recipe for bread.

If you make this and enjoy it please share your pictures to instagram or Facebook with the hashtag #collescapes

Thanks for stopping by! Stay cozy 🙂

Why Self-care?

What is self-care and why is it important?

Self-care is often misunderstood. Many people confuse self-care with self-improvement. Self-care is caring for oneself in the moment, right now and every day. Its looking after yourself emotionally, spiritually, physically, professionally and personally.

Over the next little while I will be taking some time to blog about each element of self-care I have listed above and what I do and have done to keep myself well and some of the mistakes that I have also made along the way!

Self-care is making sure that you are meeting your own needs first and that is not selfish, it is necessary. You cannot take care of others if you don’t first take care of yourself. We often feel like we don’t have time to care for ourselves, I once thought this too, however, I soon realized that if I make excuses not to care for myself then I am essentially lying to myself and others. By not taking time to care for myself I was in fact doing others a disservice too, I was also setting a bad example, becoming resentful and codependent.

I had to do a lot of self-reflection and at first it was hard for me to take the steps to care for me. It just did not feel right somehow. However, you can start by simply just making sure your own needs are being met. Every day when I wake up, I take time for myself, I take a moment and let myself just be in it. We often perform self-care without realizing it too. Brushing our teeth, bathing, taking our medication are all acts of self-care. Some of us can also find those tasks daunting too and that’s ok.

Self-care doesn’t have to be all out or nothing, you can take small steps and create a habit that you will come to look forward to and enjoy. Self-care should make you feel successful, it is not over indulgence of things such as wine or food it’ s creating balance so that we feel better about the choices we make.

Caring for our bodies is a great first step. I know that can be very hard for some. I myself struggled with this one too. I did not see myself as needing or deserving to be cared for, however, that’s another story and very important aspect of self-care that I won’t get in to right now.

What things do you do to keep yourself well?

What excuses do you make to avoid self- care?

I was once told that excuses are just well-planned lies – so now when I make excuses (which I still do), I call out the lies and question their validity.

Self-care is a process, isn’t always easy, but to me, it is always worth it.

Winner, winner…

Chicken dinner!

Creamy Garlic, red pepper and herb chicken, with cauliflower and rosemary roasted potatoes!! . Yummy

I used this recipe as a guide. I added some red pepper that I had left over and used fresh garlic and fresh thyme, I also used 35% cream instead of milk, which made it super rich and creamy

I roasted my potatoes, I did par boil them first and them tossed them in olive oil, garlic and rosemary and put them in some preheated hot oil in a baking/roasting tray and then popped in the oven at 425 deg until they are golden and crispy. I just boiled my cauliflower with seasoning of salt and black pepper until tender but not mushy. The creaminess of the sauce and crispy potatoes and cauliflower went really well together. I will def be making this one again. So easy and delicious.

What are you making for mid week dinners?

Who Tiramisu?

My girl has loved tiramisu since she was able to eat solid food! I have never attempted to make it up until last week! Why I waited so long to do so is beyond me, it was so easy and the best one I have tasted yet!

My daughter asked me to make it as a special request to celebrate completion of her four year at university! We ended up making it together and not only did it taste amazing, we had a hoot too! What better way to spend a snowy winters day making yummy treats with your beautiful child?

Also it was my original intention to purchase lady fingers, however, I could not find them in the store so I followed the recipe in the link below and I am so glad I did, it was so easy and so worth it!

Another great memory to add to the bank of fun times!

What’s your favourite dessert?

Want the recipe? Click here!

Gratitude.

Living life with a grateful heart.

As I sit here in my living room watching the snow flakes flutter in the breeze, I snuggle deeper into my chair sipping my morning coffee whilst contemplating the day ahead. Then I remember that we only really have this moment. I close my eyes and hear the whirr of the the dishwasher, the pitter patter of my yorkie poo’s toes on the hard wood floor as he searches for crumbs of food my kids left behind. The soft snore of my golden doodle as he sleeps next to me on the sofa, the distant sounds of working snow ploughs and the sweet soft sounds of the wind chime on the sun porch. I open my eyes and see pictures of my family looking back at me, the trees in the garden swaying in the wind as the snowflakes dance by their side.

All this in one moment, so much to be grateful for…..

“Life is the dancer and you are the dance”. – Eckhart Tolle

What are you grateful for?

Ocean Calling…

I love the ocean! Its my favourite place to go and just be!

Going to the beach for me is a huge part of self care. However, I have not always lived by the ocean so getting to it is not always that easy. But that minor detail wasn’t really going to stop my love and connection with the coast. Whenever I go to the beach I take my camera to capture the beauty and the moment. Sometimes I will lie on the sand and just listen to the crash of the waves and breath in the salty sea air. Being by the ocean grounds me and reminds me of my smallness, in this vast place we call the universe! My problems and worries seem to just wash away with the tide.

When I can’t be by the ocean I have pictures to look at and ocean sounds that I can listen to. I can close my eyes and be back in my happy place once more. Sometimes I will paint the ocean and feel the movement of the waves as my brush moves across the canvas. These small pleasures help me feel at one with myself and life as I face each day.

What calls you? Do you have a special grounding place?

Fish ‘n’ Chips

Being a Brit, I love me some fish and chips, however with the current situation its not been so easy to get out to the chip shop! Also not to be rude, but I haven’t found anywhere in Canada yet that can make them like they do in the UK. So when you can’t go to the chip shop bring the the chip shop home!

I made haddock and chips with homemade tartare sauce. It was delish!

Recipe:

Haddock 3-4 pieces
All purpose flour (1 cup approx)
Can of Beer/lager
Salt/pepper
Canola oil for frying

Sift flour and mix in beer salt and pepper. Leave to stand in fridge for 20 mins.

Season fish and dust lightly with flour.

Dip the fish into batter and fry (you can shallow fry or deep fry, I prefer to deep fry). Do not just drop in deep fryer, lower slowly to stop it from dropping to bottom and getting stuck.

Depending on thickness of fish it should take around 8-10 mins and will be golden and crispy.

Chips – self explanatory!

Enjoy!

Life’s Sweet!

Who likes cookies? We love cookies and we also like baking! Heres’ a choc chip cookie recipe that you will want to make again and again!

Ingredients

1 cup salted butter
1 cup white granulated sugar
1 cup packed light brown sugar
2 tsps vanilla extract
2 large free range eggs
3 cups all purpose unbleached flour
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
2 cups of semi-sweet choc chips

Instructions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Line cookie sheet with parchment paper.
In a separate bowl mix flour, baking soda, salt, baking powder.
Cream together butter and sugars until combined – I used stand mixer for this.
Beat in eggs and vanilla.
Mix in the dry ingredients.
Add chocolate chips and mix well.
Depending on how large you like your cookies, you can use an ice cream scoop or use 3tbsp of dough at a time into balls and place them evenly spaced on your prepared cookie sheets. I used an ice cream scoop, yield of approx. 24 cookies.
Bake in preheated oven for approximately 8-10 minutes. Take them out when they are just starting to turn brown. DO NOT OVER BAKE!
Let them sit on the cookie sheet for 2 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.

These cookies do not last long in our house, however you can make this dough to freeze. I usually roll the dough into a long sausage and wrap in cling film and freeze. You can slice the frozen dough in to discs and bake from frozen – just add a couple of of minutes to the bake time.